A New Tradition

I took the little girls shopping tonight just like we used to do. Moonlight Madness meant lots of socializing which was fun. We saw lots of friends and acquaintances. There were many sad glances from people who knew who they were. We had a very short list to look for and we got it all. 

There was only one rough moment when a clerk asked if the candle E bought was for her mom. 

They are looking forward to being away for Christmas, fulfilling that last dream you had. 

As Christmas gets closer it gets harder for me. All the things we used to do preparing the holidays, the fun we had browsing and discussing which was the perfect present. I will miss your caramel popcorn. Who's going to tease me for waiting till the last minute to put up the lights? I look around my house and see all the snowmen you got me over the years. It makes me smile and cry a few tears. It's going to take while to change those traditions we had. 

 

Dungeons and Dragons

I have always wanted to play Dungeons and Dragons. Role laying games were not part of my world growing up. They were just getting started and very few people in my world were playing them. Being of a "certain age" females were not encouraged or invited at the time. 

 

Every now and again I run into someone who plays. I even have friends who actively play. However our schedules don't fit and if they do I am to intimidated to ask if I can play. 

But I remain intrigued by the game and the idea of creating the stories as you play. Critical Role is an Internet show that is simply a group of friends playing D and D. It helps the quality that they are all voice actors and it's on Geek and Sundry. I now look for other role playing games played out on the Internet. I love to watch the players create their own stories within the world. 

Role playing video games are my favourite. I can't cruise through them like my sons but I get a great deal of enjoyment as I play through a good story. I might even finish the major storyline if I get enough playing time.

And that is what grabs me, the stories. Creative stories that evolve as things happen. Adventures told in your mind yet shared with others. I wonder what might have changed in my life if I had ever started playing Dungeons and Dragons?

A week in review or

Is it over?

Our eldest some was home for about 5 days. I say "about" because he arrived Monday evening and was gone by lunchtime on Saturday. The purpose of his visit was to see family and enjoy Canada Day here at home. He did visit almost all the family members and saw the friends he wanted to. On Canada  Day I ran into some old school friends of eldest' that he hadn't seen in a few years. I sent the other to get him and they ended up spending two days visiting. 

The BBQ on the other hand didn't work out. We moved it to our house because we weren't sure hubby would be home to drive. [neither eldest or I drive] None of the people invited came over, no messages either :-(  which I thought rude. He was becoming quite bummed when one of his old friends showed up. We fed him and they sat in the back talking for hours. It turned the evening around for him. 

Canada Day for me went well. Youngest helped me set up for the family friendly activities and hubby helped us take down. We got more volunteers then I was expecting and more kids/families then I was expecting too. Overall a great first time experience. Although my legs hurt the next day from walking up and down the hill in flipflops. 

I took Friday off to spend some time with Eldest. Hubby happened to be home too which made it extra good. On Saturday we were able to meet Eldest's coworker and his family, when they came up to pickup Eldest and the bike he was giving them. They made it a day trip and I am thankful we were able to spend a few moments with them before they turned around to go back. They are a lovely family and it's good to see Eldest has some solid friends there. 

Now things are returning to normal. The pets are roaming around looking for Eldest but they adjust. The laundry is on, the dishes are next. Leftovers wil be eaten today. The week is done.

Family

Our eldest is home for the week. Already he is planning a large BBQ out at the lake. It started as my idea but has spiralled out of control. We'll see what really happens. 

So Hot

So we're experiencing a plus 30C few days and I'm ready for it to be over. We close up the house about 8am. This might seem a little early but our orientation is such that the sun comes up on one side of the house, rises over the back end and spends the rest of our long day baking the other side of the house. Once the sun goes behind the hills we can open up, hoping for a breeze to cool the house off. Today outside reached 35C. Inside reached 28C. The house does stay comfortably cool until late afternoon when the overwhelming power of the sun gets the better of it and we heat up. 

I could probably have done okay but add in hot flashes and I'm surprised I haven't suffered heat stroke. 

The forecast is for rain over the next few days. We'll see if that really happens.

Countdown

Last meeting before Canada Day was today. Several of the Party in the Park participants did a walk through of the park, working out the placement of the various activities, porta-potties etc. I have a better picture of how we'll set up now. 

Several security and health care questions came up today. I need to make sure I have a few first aides among my volunteers. 

Guess we'll see how things go.

Balance

Sleep/awake

Together/alone

Calm/chaotic

Strong/weak

Warm/cold

Us

Getting Old

Getting older is the correct term. Each decade comes with it's own challenges. Some are great, some not so great. Right now my allergies are changing yet again, broadening so I'm finding it harder to eat certain things. My grass allergy has broadened to include many grass grains which means not only wheat but rice and oats too. :-(  Add in me allergy to apples, which is used as a natural sweetener, thickener and binder, and prepared food has become a minefield.

And the arthritis has spread. I'll be the first to admit I have been luck. I have had arthritis since I was a kid but I could always deal with it. Now it has gotten into my spine and that is making life a bit challenging. I sit quite a bit for work and man can that hurt after a while. With my desk under a slanted wall I can't install a standing desk but I have hopes for my next office.

Sleep has also become an elusive target. I find myself waking frequently through the night. Most of the time I can get back to sleep easily but on those days I can't...tea is my friend. Good thing I don't operate heavy machinery.

 Yeah getting older stinks in many ways. However I wouldn't want to relive my youth either.

Video Games

My dad is a child of the depression. Which means nothing ever got thrown out until it could no longer by fixed or became too expensive to operate. Due to this my brother and I had Black and white TVs in our rooms long before that was a thing. Of course this was also during the time before cable reached our town so we had 2 local stations, 3 late at night. 

One day dad brought home a Pong game and gave to my brother. Pong was one of the first mass produced game systems for the home. It included a console with two controllers. You could play single or against another person. Essentially you bounced a ball back and forth by controlling your paddle which was a line that could travel up and down in a straight line. The ball got faster and faster and you had to react to keep it from getting past you. I found it fascinating and could play for hours, occasionally talking my brother into playing against me. 

Given my interest you might think I would get into video game arcades. However our town never had one. The only games available were in bars so weren't available to me till much later. By then I had no interest. 

It wasn't until we got hubby and I got our first home PC that I returned to gaming. This was followed by my brother giving his Playstation 1 to my sons and my mother-in-law gave them her sons' old Nintendo gaming station. From then on we have remained a multi platform home. I still love games, preferring RPG games with a puzzle element and a strong story. Being the best is not important to me. I'm looking for an immersive experience that gives me an escape.

I just wish I had more time to game regularly. Now I game sporadically, gaming for hours when I do. At this time of year, with E3, I love to listen to the upcoming game announcements. Oh to play some of these games. The art work, the stories, it's storytelling and some of the stories they are telling are very cool. It calls back to an old style of storytelling that lets the audience influence where and how the story evolves. Today we get good art too.  

Games = stories at their core.

Canada Day

In our community Canada Day is huge. There are activities all day from 9am to 11:30pm when the fire works go off. When our kids were little we did everything, with a nap around dinner time so we could stay up late. ;-) For the last 10 years or so I've been responsible for the library's parade float. This year I decided to forgo the parade float and decided the library could organize the family/kids activities in the afternoon. Of course it now looks like only two of us will be available to work it. I have some volunteers but need several more. I'm going to have to reach out to my friends. In exchange I will purchase fundraisers, and all the other supportive things friends of the family do. The teens might require a bigger bribe, probably involving food. Hoping I can get away with slushed but have a feeling pizza might be required. 

Hope my friends don't disown me before this is over.

What day is it?

This week has gotten completely away from me. Suddenly it's Saturday and I have gotten very little productive, personal stuff done. Tonight we have a Lions Club fundraiser then it will be home and hopefully sleeping in.

Cause sleep needs to happen.

Is the day done yet?

This week is full. Full of evening events and meeting. Full of class visits to the library. Full of planning for Canada Day, Summer Reading Club, teen programming... Full of tired. I'm going to bed. Have a good night 😴

Sunny Day

We had a hot day today. Mainly sunny with a nice breeze which kept the bugs away. It wasn't a busy day but it was productive. Especially once hubby and the kid went to work :-D 

I've really noticed that I need a "day off" during the week. That rarely means no housework or errands get done, but it does mean I take some time to do the things I want to do, reading, playing a video game or puttering in the garden. That time gives me a chance to mentally recharge. Some of the "self-care" that mental health workers promote. Because it is true, you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anything else.

Lacrosse

I am a lacrosse fan. Not a rabid, know all the stats fan, but a dedicated fan none the less. Tonight I was able to watch my team play a nail biter of a game and win. This win makes them league champions for the first time in their history. I couldn't be happier for them.

Of course the downside is the season is now over and I'll have to wait until next year for more lacrosse.

Movie Night

Hubby and I went to see Mad Max: Fury Road tonight. Wow. Now I see what all the fuss was about. 

Having seen the other movies when they came out I was impressed with this one. It felt "real". You could see how this weird world could have come about from OUR world. 

Whether it is resonating with my generation because we grew up with Mad Max or because the story was so powerful, or perhaps a combination of the two, it was an amazing movie to watch. Even the teens in the theatre were silent as they watched. That doesn't happen very often.

I think this movie will stay with me for awhile. 

Birthdays

Birthdays are important in this family. Not for the marking of age but as an excuse to get together. Tonight the immediate family and some close friends got together to celebrate my sister-in-law's birthday. Instead of cooking we went out. It was s good change (no cooking, no cleaning). The year has been rough and we had not been celebrating these things. But it is important to take the opportunity to get together because you never know what will happen tomorrow.

Blog June

(I vaguely remember hearing about blogjune from some Australian or New Zealand library people I was following Twitter several years ago. I was just getting started in social media and blogging at the time. It sounded like a way to get myself to write more especially online. I have never linked to the official movement but have used it as a personal challenge to write.

Being away from home put a kink in getting started yesterday however I've never expected perfection, just expected me to write more often than I did the year before.

So here is the boring start of the 2015 version of my self challenge to blog everyday in June. 

Let's see what we can do tomorrow 😎

Happy Birthday

My birthday is tomorrow. If hubby gets home we'll go for dinner. We've invited another couple to join us, her birthday was last week. There is almost 20 years age difference between us yet we have so much in common. We've become "auntie" and "uncle" to their young daughter, even though she could be our granddaughter. 

The boys won't remember it's my birthday because hubby won't remember to remind them. I'm the one who reminds everyone else about birthdays. I don't think I should be expected to remind my family about MY birthday. I was shocked when my mother remembered this year. She forgot last year. Missed speaking to my brother this week (I phone once a week) I doubt he and sis-in-law will remember. They're in the middle of a big home renovation project. 

It's a "big one" this year. I'm not sure how I feel about it. My best friend and I had spoken last year about doing something together to celebrate. She's a week later than I. But a death in our family and an upcoming wedding in her's changed our priorities. So my birthday won't be a big celebration. We're not the big social couple that we used to be. 

In my heart I'd like hubby to do something special but he's not that type of person. If I wanted a party I'd have to do it myself and that just feels like work.  That and we can never predict when hubby will be home... 

I thought I'd spend some of the money my mother gave me on some new shoes. Unfortunately the one place was closed and the other was having a sale, which meant nothing in the size or style I wanted. Looked for a purse and couldn't find one the right size. I hate when you want to buy something and you just can't find what you're looking for. Being in a small town means not having a lot of places to look either.  

I was looking forward to this birthday last year. Now after the long awful winter, it just doesn't feel like anything special.

Maybe hubby will make it home, our friends' daughter will feel better and we'll actually make it out for dinner. I can hope right?

I missed you

I got the job. You remember, that one you told me years ago to go for. You would have cheered me on when I got the temporary position and harassed me about taking so long to make up my mind. "See, you were meant for this. " I can hear you say with a big smile in your voice. I miss you.

The snow is gone. We should be talking flowers, how did your perennials do and what are you planting this year. I miss you.

At Easter I watched my sister-in-law do the dishes with her sister and friend and realized that used to be us. We were the ones who always did the dishes after the big family meals. Taking a few moments together in your aunt's tiny kitchen to do the dishes, talk about family, our lives and the mundane things. Those moments surrounded by the hustle and murmur of a well fed extended family ( including those we'd adopted as family.) It struck me then how much I missed you. 

This will never go away. I know it will get easier but for now...I miss you.

The End

The end comes near

I say goodbye

To the one whose heart

Made me sing and fly.

Smile for me

Laugh and enjoy the sun

Think of us

When the time is done.

Secrets

When a parent is dying it can be hard knowing what to tell a child. It can be hard deciding what, how and when to have these difficult conversations. The age and emotional maturity of the child also must be taken into consideration. Then you need to pick the right place, home or the hospital, alone or with family/friends around. You need to rehearse what you will say, be prepared for possible questions and reactions. 

When you're part of the extended family/friends circle you don't always know what to say or do. Kids can say what they're thinking at any moment. Sometimes they just need someone to be "normal" with. 

Sometimes they just ned to be quiet with someone. 

In the end all you can do is be there, letting them know there is someone who cares and will be there to help.

Today

The walk home from work seems to be a good time for me to think. The problem is not taking the time to write down, dictate or other wise get these thoughts down so I don't forget them. So today, hours later I'm going to try.

At the board meeting today one of the board members asked if I thought we were doing more outreach programming because we were still in the temp location then we might otherwise do. ( we were going over the year end report at the time) I didn't think much about it at the time because of course we were doing more outreach programming because the temp location is too small for some of the things we do. But the more I think about it the more I think the number of programs we are doing in outreach has more to do with the requests of our patrons have made. The adult movie matinee is one of those. It works better in the cozy room of the seniors lounge. I'm not sure we could duplicate the environment in a meeting room. Open Mic Poetry Night is another program that works because of the location at the Snowdome Coffee Bar. 

There is a trend in libraries to do more outreach programming. It helps us reach people, organizations etc. that we might not reach otherwise. It also changes the public's perception of the library as a walled garden. We ned the public to see us as a partner in the community, a supporter of a healthy and vibrant town.

We're going to need to work hard to bring up our visibility in the community. Programming in the library and outreach will help. 

Now What?

24 years ago hubby's cousin lived with us the first summer after our eldest was born. She'd come home at 3am after work and I'd be up nursing or simply rocking. Eldest didn't sleep much. Cousin and I would have these rambling late night talks that I see as the start of our friendship. 

I remember her calling me in a bit of a panic, wondering if she was doing the right thing. At the time she was mid pregnancy with her first child and was panicking with the thought of staying home. She had been working for years and didn't like the idea of "living off" her then boyfriend (later, husband). She had called me because I was a stay at home mom with two kids and she wanted to know how I had dealt with the change.

I remember her eldest never wanting to wear clothes and how her dogs were really just more kids, but with better manners. ;-) I remember the first time we looked after the eldest three for an evening, so she and her hubby could go out for the first time since kids. And how her 1 1/2 year old son cried for 3 hours because he wanted his mom. 

I remember how over the last few years I had developed a habit of stopping in for tea after work on Fridays. We'd sit around the table visiting with the kids and each other. I miss this.

I remember how her health started getting strange, the changing symptoms, the endless tests, the depression. How her eldest daughter stepped up to the plate, wrangling her 3 younger siblings, driving her mom to appointments, trying to help. I remember how some many people stepped up to help out. 

Now she's reached a critical point. Her husband, children, mother, and siblings are with her at the hospital. There are friends and extended family there too. Hubby & I have discussed going in to see her but there is so many people there already. We are helping by staying home, looking after her dog, watching her house, supporting the friends who have supported her over this long year.

If she makes it through, if she comes home, things will never be the same. New relationships have been forged. New strengths have been found. People have been changed. Relationships have been changed. We have been changed.

Hope and the knowledge that if anyone can make it through this crisis it is her, help keep me going.  

Family

You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.

I was raised in an extended family that always stressed family first. Most of the time that is a good thing. Support is always there when you need it. Unfortunately if there is a difference of opinions it can add stress to already stressful situations. 

Right now a relative of my husband's struggling with an autoimmune disease. This has created a great deal of stress within the family sometimes turning relative against relative. People have a need to assign blame, what caused it, what should have been, who should she have seen. 

Trying to keep my sanity and patience. Not always easy :-(