Now What?

24 years ago hubby's cousin lived with us the first summer after our eldest was born. She'd come home at 3am after work and I'd be up nursing or simply rocking. Eldest didn't sleep much. Cousin and I would have these rambling late night talks that I see as the start of our friendship. 

I remember her calling me in a bit of a panic, wondering if she was doing the right thing. At the time she was mid pregnancy with her first child and was panicking with the thought of staying home. She had been working for years and didn't like the idea of "living off" her then boyfriend (later, husband). She had called me because I was a stay at home mom with two kids and she wanted to know how I had dealt with the change.

I remember her eldest never wanting to wear clothes and how her dogs were really just more kids, but with better manners. ;-) I remember the first time we looked after the eldest three for an evening, so she and her hubby could go out for the first time since kids. And how her 1 1/2 year old son cried for 3 hours because he wanted his mom. 

I remember how over the last few years I had developed a habit of stopping in for tea after work on Fridays. We'd sit around the table visiting with the kids and each other. I miss this.

I remember how her health started getting strange, the changing symptoms, the endless tests, the depression. How her eldest daughter stepped up to the plate, wrangling her 3 younger siblings, driving her mom to appointments, trying to help. I remember how some many people stepped up to help out. 

Now she's reached a critical point. Her husband, children, mother, and siblings are with her at the hospital. There are friends and extended family there too. Hubby & I have discussed going in to see her but there is so many people there already. We are helping by staying home, looking after her dog, watching her house, supporting the friends who have supported her over this long year.

If she makes it through, if she comes home, things will never be the same. New relationships have been forged. New strengths have been found. People have been changed. Relationships have been changed. We have been changed.

Hope and the knowledge that if anyone can make it through this crisis it is her, help keep me going.  

Family

You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.

I was raised in an extended family that always stressed family first. Most of the time that is a good thing. Support is always there when you need it. Unfortunately if there is a difference of opinions it can add stress to already stressful situations. 

Right now a relative of my husband's struggling with an autoimmune disease. This has created a great deal of stress within the family sometimes turning relative against relative. People have a need to assign blame, what caused it, what should have been, who should she have seen. 

Trying to keep my sanity and patience. Not always easy :-(

Christmas

I didn't think it would bother me this much. Our eldest son has decided not to come home for Christmas. That makes it 7-8 months since we've seen him.  He and I talk every week, sometimes several times. But it is not the same as having him home. He likes to point out that the last few years he was home but worked through the holidays, so it was almost like not being here. I reminded him that we would still cross paths, often late at night, so I could actually see him.

Now I understand why my mother tells me she just wants to be in my space for awhile. We 've got a country between us not just 1/2 a province ;-) 

These stages of motherhood can be a real drag.

Lest I Forget

You would have thought from that last post that only my mother's family enlisted. That is not true. It just happens that my mother's family talks more about it's past. My father's family is less open and has a greater spread in age. 

It's weird to think that in World War 1 my grandfather would have been considered too old to enlist even though he was in his 30's. At the time life expectancy would have been about 60. By the time WW2 came my father's oldest brother was eligible and enlisted right away. He however never left Canada, spending the war working at a supply depot in the maritimes. This was a vital and necessary job yet unless you were a 'fighting man' there seemed to be less honour in it. My uncle never spoke of his enlisted time but I often wonder how these people who sent supplies, mail and people, often to their doom, felt. They were also the ones who handled the mail to loved ones and the death notices.

My father's next older brother managed to enlist at the age of 16 by being extremely tall and lying about his age. He was trained and waiting in Halifax, within a week of sailing to Britain, when the war ended. Again, because he never fought on he field of battle he didn't consider himself a veteran. 

The fact that they were willing to enlist, to fight and possibly die in a faraway country for their country and ideals makes them worthy of respect and admiration. I wish they were around for me to thank.

My father was not even 10 when the war started. His father passed when he was little. He never fought but he did what many families did, he along with my grandmother, supported the war effort on the home front. One of the things he did as an adult, and continues doing to this day, is support the local Legion. Yes, that does mean going down and having a few with the boys, but it also means volunteering to help with fundraising, spending money at fundraisers, helping vets get to appointments or simple to get groceries. Even in his seventies, he remembers what it was like at home during and after the war. The damage that was inflicted and the support that was needed and continues to be needed. 

Care, Attention and Support. They will always be needed by those who serve and by the families that let them.

Remembrance Day

For today I shed a tear,

for those who've left us standing here,

To thank them for the sacrifice

Of dying to protect our life

Not perfect but heart felt. Remembrance Day may have started as a way of commemorating the "Great War" but it had already evolved into a way of remembering all veterans of armed conflicts, long before the "official" move. 

My children used to ask why I watch the ceremony in Ottawa rather than attend the local one. Each year they have watched me dissolve into tears as the ceremony goes on and they now just sit and watch with me. Once I watched the ceremony because it let me "remember" at the same time as my parents and I could call and we could talk. 

My mother's uncles enlisted in the RAF at the beginning of WW2, before Canada had entered the war. They flew as part of a bomber crew, although having 2 brothers on the same crew was unusual. I remember interviewing one of them when I was about 8 or 9 for a class project about their participation in the war. Looking back on it now I realize how difficult it must have been for him to talk to me, and the other cousins that were there. We had to stop as he became very emotional, saying " we don't talk about it, we don't talk about it..." I don't remember what question I asked but his response will stay with me forever. A sign of his times - ignore the mental pain inflicted, if you have no physical injury you're fine.

My mother's youngest brother enlisted  in the Air Force out of high school. He was stationed in many places throughout Europe and Canada, even serving in Cypress. He was even given the honour of standing guard at the War Memorial during a Remembrance Day ceremony. While his Air Force career did not include periods of large conflict, his UN career included the first peace keeping missions to The Middle East. We as a family were happy he was on the home side of the supply chain. However he knew many in harm's way, including a few who lost their lives. He participates in his local ceremony to show support for those that serve now and in the past. Our family goes to show their support for him, to remember family members and friends who have served and to show support for those that have served and currently serve. 

A number of my friends enlisted after high school. I considered it myself. At the time women were not in combat and had limited options of what they could do. That didn't appeal to me. Some of them are still in the military, others have left to go onto other things. None were killed but all have some tale to tell. Now I have friends with children who have enlisted and they are in active conflict zones. Remembrance Day now includes my thoughts for these people, their strength, their hurts and their safety.

That is what Remembrance Day should be, remembering the past, thinking of the present and pondering the future. We need to be thinking of the people who lost lives, were injured in body and spirit, who stood up anyway to defend ideals that matter more now then ever. Peace, freedom, family, country are important. The world and the people in it need us all to be willing to stand up as a whole and say No More.

Lest we forget.

Meandering Thoughts

After 12 years of evenings and weekends, I have started a new job that starts early in the morning 5 days a week. If it weren't for the fact that I have been working 8, 9, 10 hour days over the last few weeks I don't know if the change would have been this easy. Working all those hours messed up my body clock so bad that the shift to longer day shifts is going to be easy ( I think). 

The first week of the new job has gone well. Of course having 3 days of it focused on a book fair that set a new sales record for us could account for that. This next week has Remebrance Day in it and 2 days of Health and Safety training. I'm hoping that the week after that will be an example of a "typical" week for this job. I'd really like to have one of those.

Terrible weather is on its way here and I should get prepared. Or I could finish the laundry and read a book. Yeah, that's what I'll do. ;-)

What the Future Holds

Change is good, necessary and natural. It can also be scary & stressful. It is also an opportunity you can take advantage of.

My boss has recently retired and I have taken on the interim director position for the next 6 months. This buys the library board sometime to see if the new library will be done and gives me a chance to see if this is something I'd like to do for the long haul.

This first week has been stressful, exciting and full of learning. Things are off to a good start.