Time

The last few months have been... hard.

It has only been 2 months since we put T down. It seems much longer somehow. I'm not as 'haunted' by her absence as I was by Misty's, but that might be because we knew we were on borrowed time and so were more prepared.

It has been the remaining cat and dog that have missed her more. T had always been their 'momma kitty' having raised them both. She had been the arbiter and peace maker. We are still settling in to the new normal and some days are harder than others.

In November both my sis-in-law and aunt were in hospital for life threatening issues. Things stabilized for both of them to go home but there was a lot of "let's just get through Christmas" going on. And we did get through Christmas.

Sis-in-law was finally able to have her procedure which has improved things for her health. Unfortunately my aunt returned to hospital shortly after Christmas where she declined rapidly until her passing. Bro was able to bring dad out for her funeral. This was dad's last sibling which made it very important for the family that he be here.

I miss being able to talk to her. She was the third call I made each Sunday after talking with my parents, then brother and sis-in-law. It will take some time to recover. She went out on her terms, with everything arranged to her liking. I hope I have her strength when my time comes.

If you are lucky, your job and place of work are supportive and personally fulfilling. I have been very lucky to have worked with some fantastic people over the years. Janeen has been one of those rare individuals that I just clicked with. Right from the start we worked well together and I always knew she understood what I was getting at even when I wasn't sure myself. Life brings changes and she was able to grab the opportunity to be a stay at home mom. It has been a great opportunity for her and her family. I miss her even as I'm excited for her.

That of course meant we needed to hire a new person. We waited till January, thinking Christmas was not the right time to advertise effectively. We are now through the hiring process and have started training the new person. I keep catching myself being "old and cranky" lately. Am I getting less flexible as I get older? Where did my enthusiasm for my work go? Oh I haven't lost it exactly, it just seems weaker than it use to be. There is so much stuff to teach this person. Being a small library means everyone needs to be able to do most everything. She has the enthusiasm to learn it. I need to find the enthusiasm to teach it.

The last few days I've felt overwhelmingly tired. Not so much physically but mentally. Today everyone else has been at work and I have been left with the dog, cat and silence. Sure I've done the basic chores but most of the time has been devoted to reading. Reading has always been my go-to activity for pleasure and stress relief. I haven't been doing as much reading for fun as I want, or NEED to do. I feel better today for taking the time to do what I need to do.