When does it stop?

I never expected to go this long without writing. I usually find writing a way of dealing with my stress but this year has blown my stress levels out of the water. I thought about writing but each time I couldn't find the words. I felt blocked, locked down, even crushed by what life was throwing at me. 

I started writing this in August. Things got harder. At least now I feel like writing again.

Some Days are Hard

This morning I slept in. Most mornings I wake up pretty positive. This morning seemed like an average morning. 

However as the day went on I grew more and more, not negative exactly, but down.

One of the things I had committed to today was working the community dinner. Each week during the winter a different organization hosts the dinner. This week it was the Community Team's turn. The library is one of many members of the team.

I had assumed I would either be serving or cleaning up tables. As the day went on the less and less I wanted to interact with the public. I just wasn't up to the endless "when is the library moving?", "is the library done yet?", and so on. I've tried really hard to be positive but it has been 4 1/2 years. I've been the boss for the last 1 1/4 years. At this point I'm tired of not having any move date. I'm tired of trying to be positive to the public. I'm just tired.

So tonight I volunteered to work the dish pit. I actually like doing dishes so I found it very enjoyable. Doing dishes is straight forward. You have a plan and can just focus on getting things done.

Tomorrow I'll go back to being positive.

A New Tradition

I took the little girls shopping tonight just like we used to do. Moonlight Madness meant lots of socializing which was fun. We saw lots of friends and acquaintances. There were many sad glances from people who knew who they were. We had a very short list to look for and we got it all. 

There was only one rough moment when a clerk asked if the candle E bought was for her mom. 

They are looking forward to being away for Christmas, fulfilling that last dream you had. 

As Christmas gets closer it gets harder for me. All the things we used to do preparing the holidays, the fun we had browsing and discussing which was the perfect present. I will miss your caramel popcorn. Who's going to tease me for waiting till the last minute to put up the lights? I look around my house and see all the snowmen you got me over the years. It makes me smile and cry a few tears. It's going to take while to change those traditions we had. 

 

Dungeons and Dragons

I have always wanted to play Dungeons and Dragons. Role laying games were not part of my world growing up. They were just getting started and very few people in my world were playing them. Being of a "certain age" females were not encouraged or invited at the time. 

 

Every now and again I run into someone who plays. I even have friends who actively play. However our schedules don't fit and if they do I am to intimidated to ask if I can play. 

But I remain intrigued by the game and the idea of creating the stories as you play. Critical Role is an Internet show that is simply a group of friends playing D and D. It helps the quality that they are all voice actors and it's on Geek and Sundry. I now look for other role playing games played out on the Internet. I love to watch the players create their own stories within the world. 

Role playing video games are my favourite. I can't cruise through them like my sons but I get a great deal of enjoyment as I play through a good story. I might even finish the major storyline if I get enough playing time.

And that is what grabs me, the stories. Creative stories that evolve as things happen. Adventures told in your mind yet shared with others. I wonder what might have changed in my life if I had ever started playing Dungeons and Dragons?

A week in review or

Is it over?

Our eldest some was home for about 5 days. I say "about" because he arrived Monday evening and was gone by lunchtime on Saturday. The purpose of his visit was to see family and enjoy Canada Day here at home. He did visit almost all the family members and saw the friends he wanted to. On Canada  Day I ran into some old school friends of eldest' that he hadn't seen in a few years. I sent the other to get him and they ended up spending two days visiting. 

The BBQ on the other hand didn't work out. We moved it to our house because we weren't sure hubby would be home to drive. [neither eldest or I drive] None of the people invited came over, no messages either :-(  which I thought rude. He was becoming quite bummed when one of his old friends showed up. We fed him and they sat in the back talking for hours. It turned the evening around for him. 

Canada Day for me went well. Youngest helped me set up for the family friendly activities and hubby helped us take down. We got more volunteers then I was expecting and more kids/families then I was expecting too. Overall a great first time experience. Although my legs hurt the next day from walking up and down the hill in flipflops. 

I took Friday off to spend some time with Eldest. Hubby happened to be home too which made it extra good. On Saturday we were able to meet Eldest's coworker and his family, when they came up to pickup Eldest and the bike he was giving them. They made it a day trip and I am thankful we were able to spend a few moments with them before they turned around to go back. They are a lovely family and it's good to see Eldest has some solid friends there. 

Now things are returning to normal. The pets are roaming around looking for Eldest but they adjust. The laundry is on, the dishes are next. Leftovers wil be eaten today. The week is done.

Family

Our eldest is home for the week. Already he is planning a large BBQ out at the lake. It started as my idea but has spiralled out of control. We'll see what really happens. 

So Hot

So we're experiencing a plus 30C few days and I'm ready for it to be over. We close up the house about 8am. This might seem a little early but our orientation is such that the sun comes up on one side of the house, rises over the back end and spends the rest of our long day baking the other side of the house. Once the sun goes behind the hills we can open up, hoping for a breeze to cool the house off. Today outside reached 35C. Inside reached 28C. The house does stay comfortably cool until late afternoon when the overwhelming power of the sun gets the better of it and we heat up. 

I could probably have done okay but add in hot flashes and I'm surprised I haven't suffered heat stroke. 

The forecast is for rain over the next few days. We'll see if that really happens.